We had our first argument last night and he said a lot of cruel things
that really hurt me. I know that he is sorry and didn't mean to say the
things he said - because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night he threw me into a wall and then started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare but you wake up from nightmares to find
that they aren't real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.
I know he must be sorry - because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. And it wasn't Valentines Day or any other special
day. Last night he beat me and threatened to kill me.
Makeup and long sleeves didn't hide the cuts and bruises this time.
I couldn't go to work because I didn't want anyone to know
But I know he is sorry - because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today and it wasn't Mother's Day or any other special day.
Last night he beat me again and it was much worse than all the other
times. If I leave him what will I do? How will I take care of the kids?
What about money? I'm afraid of him and too scared to leave him!
But he must be sorry - because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. Today was a very special day.
It was the day of my funeral.
Last night he finally killed me. I was beaten to death.
If only I would have gathered enough courage and strength to leave him.
So I got flowers today - for the very last time.

~Author Unknown

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While most of us have moments of loving freely and openly, it is often hard to sustain this where it matters most—in our intimate relationships. Why, if love is so great and powerful, are human relationships so challenging and difficult? If love is the source of happiness and joy, why is it so hard to open to it fully and let it govern our lives? In this book, John Welwood addresses these questions and shows us how to overcome the most fundamental obstacle that keeps us from experiencing love's full flowering in our lives. Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships begins by showing how all our relational problems arise out of a universal, core wounding around love that affects not only our personal relationships but the quality of life in our world as a whole. This wounding shows up as a pervasive mood of unlove—a deep sense that we are not intrinsically lovable just as we are. And this shuts down our capacity to trust, so that even though we may hunger for love, we have difficulty opening to it and letting it circulate freely through us. This book takes the reader on a powerful journey of healing and transformation that involves learning to embrace our humanness and appreciate the imperfections of our relationships as trail-markers along the path to great love. It sets forth a process for releasing deep-seated grievances we hold against others for not loving us better and against ourselves for not being better loved. And it shows how our longing to be loved can magnetize the great love that will free us from looking to others to find ourselves. Written with penetrating realism and a fresh, lyrical style that honors the subtlety and richness of our relationship to love itself, this revolutionary book offers profound and practical guidance for healing our lives as well as our embattled world. A workshop based on this book is also available in audio. For more information, click here.  ....read more $14.95 $8.49 Average Customer Rating   5 out of 5 Read Reviews Write Review 30

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Designed for college students, young adults, singles, and dating couples, this book teaches the basics of healthy relationships, including friendship, dating, sexuality, and relating to God; it is accompanied by a 48-page workbook. ....read more $12.99 $7.13 Average Customer Rating   5 out of 5 Read Reviews Write Review 8

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The Secret Language of Relationships shows how astrology can craft a relationship profile between any two individuals born during any two weeks of the year. The result is an indispensable guide to getting the most out of every relationship. ....read more $34.95 $18.71 Average Customer Rating   5 out of 5 Read Reviews Write Review 57

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Turn any Relationship into an Extraordinary Relationship A refreshing alternative to common self-help approaches. —Michael E. Kerr, M.D., Director, Georgetown Family Center, Washington, D.C. and coauthor with Dr. Murray Bowen of Family Evaluation After food, water, and shelter, relationships are the most important factors in determining your quality of life. At work, productivity and efficiency depend on relationships. At home, relationships with your spouse, children, and friends are keys to success and happiness. And among nations, relationships start and stop wars. This invaluable guide shows that only by further developing yourself can you further develop your relationships. Based on the innovative family systems theory pioneered by the late Dr. Murray Bowen, this important and penetrating book offers practical and authoritative family therapy advice that has helped thousands of people throughout the last three decades. It’s a blueprint to better relationships that tells how the principles of family systems theory can be used in all arenas of your life, including intimate relationships, friendships, family relationships, single life, workplace relationships, international relationships, and your relationship with yourself. A perfect and unpretentious primer of family relationships … a relief to read. —Dr. Walter Toman, Professor Emeritus, Erlangen-Nürnberg University, Germany, and author of Family Constellation ....read more $15.95 $7.50 Average Customer Rating   5 out of 5 Read Reviews Write Review 21

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God wants his children to have a lasting relationship and great sex-the results of a deep, meaningful love that is rooted in commitment. Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships, helps readers walk a path to true love that is more fulfilling than they ever imagined. There's a better way to find love, stay in love, and grow in intimacy for a lifetime, says Chip Ingram. It's God's way. Whether single or married, happy or searching for hope, readers will discover that by following God's prescription, they can create a love that lasts. A love that can be enjoyed. ....read more $12.99 $8.75 Average Customer Rating   5 out of 5 Read Reviews Write Review 17

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Most people think of love as a feeling, says David Richo, but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present. In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships—one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life: Attention to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships. Acceptance of ourselves and others just as we are. Appreciation of all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament. Affection shown through holding and touching in respectful ways. Allowing life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control. When deeply understood and applied, these five simple concepts—what Richo calls the five A's—form the basis of mature love. They help us to move away from judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these five A's, relationships become deeper and more meaningful, and they become a ground for personal transformation. ....read more $15.95 $8.16 Average Customer Rating   5 out of 5 Read Reviews Write Review 41

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Relationships matter. As a society have we become so caught up in ourselves and ‘me time’ that our relationships cease to matter anymore? The computer and cell phone has given us a way to interact with one another without spending any face time. It’s all done by the press of a key on a keyboard. However, the facts remains that with all the texting and email, you can’t stop time and create memories or snapshots with your family and friends.

How do you stop time? How does one capture the very time, the very moment of an event in their life? You can’t capture a moment in your life if you fail to recognize it occurring before you. Sometimes our moments occur without our own personal knowledge, but may be captured by an onlooker or the other person involved. This snapshot of time standing still could have happened unexpectedly or was intentionally orchestrated. What are these captured snapshots and how can we assure ourselves of being able to create more?

Einstein talked about time being relative. Some may argue that you cannot stop time, but if we delve closer into this assertion there is an experiment where you stare at the second hand on a clock while you that time has stopped as the second hand appears to stall while in motion just for a moment. There are some that say it is an optical illusion drawn from the conscious mind. That may be true, but we all have had moments where we have sensed our second hand had momentarily stood still.

The passage of time is not about the second hand on a clock, but about our relationships with people especially those in your life that bring you the most joy. When time is captured, it stands still. It becomes defined as “in the moment” because time becomes suspended while the event is occurring. The experience, the memory, the moment created lingers like the feeling you get from the innocence of a child’s hug or the faint smell of lingering perfume or cologne from your lover as you release each other from a loving embrace. So, instead of investing in materials to save your marriage or get your ex back, think of the moments when time stood still and the feeling your experienced with that person and that will guide you back to how to save your relationship.

Relationships do matter. When the moment is there, you absentmindedly reminiscence about it while you’re stuck in traffic or waiting for the elevator. It’s like good food or fine wine which lingers heavily as it encapsulates you as time stood still just for that instant, just for that moment. And, if you’re lucky, you’ve created many of them to relive continuously throughout your life. For some, time stood still at the birth of your children, your first kiss, your first intimate encounter and yes, the ache in your heart over the first argument with someone you love dearly.

Have you thought about it now? How do you capture the moment? How do you stop time? Besides the use of a voice recorder, photograph or video the only other way to capture the moment is through our memories which sometimes can’t be counted upon to be an accurate account.

How do you capture time? Why you live each day creating those special moments with the people you care about the most. Each time you look in your child’s face and see yourself in their eyes you create a moment where you capture the significance of their existence. When you hold your elderly parent or loved one in your arms as you twinge with empathy at their frailty recalling the times that you relied on them for their strength and invincibility. Now you have taken their place.

You capture time by creating memories with the people in your life that matter because you couldn’t imagine your life without them in it. They make you feel safe. Sometimes they make you angry. They make you laugh and sometimes even cry. After these emotional and mental snapshots comes a quiet remembrance when time stood still for a moment and you swear you could hear the ever so lightly whisper of “I love you” only heard in silent understanding by those present as the slight pause in time occurred.

There are some of us who may choose to freeze the moment longer than necessary. We create a snapshot where you bid an extended unspoken farewell out of anger or misunderstanding as you move them further away from you with an awkward distance that neither of you can truly comprehend. Time frozen in hostility sometimes can never be forgiven. It just hangs suspended like a lone icicle on a snow filled roof top basked in heavy stillness. A coldness where the path to tolerance has been shut down by pride and a steely unwillingness to just “let it go” and move forward.

We all have the choice of how we will stop time and create our snapshots with or without our loved ones in our lives. However, we all know that the most pleasurable stoppage of time is when we’re in the zone and our family and friends are the focal point, our clock, our second hand.

Go out and create moments where you can see, hear and feel when time stood still because of the moments and your life’s snapshots you’ve created. And, as one last piece of advice, while you’re present in the moment, promise yourself to welcome the stoppage of time, savor the experience with peaceful surrender, as you deliberately take in this moment, this time, this life, your life.

Some people end up in divorce court or break up because they wait too long to find solutions to their problems. At times, those involved in volatile relationships have the mindset that if they work harder at ‘it’ the can either deal with the issues or they will go away. However, if you are not equipped with the skills, it really doesn’t matter how hard you work at it. For more information, visit my website at: http://www.u2canhavesuccess.com/relationshipsmatter.htm.

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Breaking up can really be a traumatic experience if you’re not prepared for it. Sometimes victims of a break up can really become unreasonable and behave irrationally when thinking of ways to get their ex back. Errors made can do more harm to your chances of getting your ex back than helping you. At the time it appears that the choices you make regarding your ex is the best thing to do at the time. I am going to share with you some of the common mistakes that should be avoided when you are trying to win back your ex.

The most common mistake people make after their breakup is to go into extreme telephone calling and then texting if you won’t answer your cell phone or landline. There is this intense need to just hear your ex’s voice and with some people out of desperation, they will even settle for hearing the sound of their ex on voicemail. Some think the solution is to wear down their ex by calling them. While this may seem like a good idea at the time, it can drive your ex partner further away and create a huge rift between you.

This extreme calling solution to breakup method leads right into another common error, sitting by the phone waiting for your ex to call. Your newly ex partner will not call especially if they were the one that initiated the breakup. They may call to check on your emotional and mental state, but not to talk about getting back together. If your ex does make the call, do not appear desperate, but understand the purpose for the call and that maybe you both need some time to sort things out before you can talk about relationship rescue.

Another major error is going to your ex’s house or where ever they’ve decided to hold up until everything settles down while the emotional intensity of the breakup has subsided. It appears that when you’re ignored after doing the calling and then waiting for a call the next best thing is to force your partner to talk to you by going to their house or even worse their job! Now that’s not good and will only cause more conflict because now you’re placing your ex-partner in an embarrassing situation where they have to explain what’s going on with their co-workers. Best advice, pass on the workplace and just discuss with them if you can meet at a restaurant or public place.

The most disappointing of all these errors is that the appropriate solution is so simple. However, when emotions are involved it also can be the most difficult. After breaking up, both parties should really try spending at least a month without any contact with each other. This time period is recommended because you can take a breather from the relationship and really consider if your partner is truly someone you can be with long term or is it best to just part ways.

These errors can be avoided if you both respect each other’s space and allow some time for things to settle down before you discuss what happened and why it would be a good idea for you stay together. It’s very difficult to have these conversations immediately after a breakup because hurt feelings are involved and the draw of wanting to be with the other person. If you really want back with your ex, remember relationships matter and give it some time so when you do discuss your issues you will be able to do so with a clear head and without all the emotional turmoil that surrounds these types of discussions.

Healing your broken heart should be first before you begin trying to pull back your ex. By keeping a cool head, not showing desperation for the relationship or wanting to cling to your beloved is the beginning to winning back your ex. For more information on how relationships matter, visit my website at: http://www.u2canhavesuccess.com/relationshipsmatter.htm.

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Saying the words, “I’m sorry,” can be very difficult for some people especially if they are caught in the position of trying to get their ex back. There are those who like to be stubborn because they believe the other party isn’t owed an apology or the vulnerability involved may be too overwhelming for them to absorb. Could there be some merit to the belief by some relationship experts that apologizing may be just an excuse to repeat or continue the offending behavior? If that is the case, a genuine apology may not be as forthcoming as it should. The words can lose their meaning, fall on deaf ears and not have the affect one was hoping for when giving it.

The expressing of remorse can be learned, but has to have some degree of sincerity to it. It cannot be down without some thought put into it or without feeling. When offering up an apology for offensive behavior or words, it could be the difference between making up with no harmful aftermath or being placed on the silent treatment for a few hours to possibly days! Whatever the outcome, how can one express a heartfelt apology?

1. Deal with reality. You will need to gauge whether the receiver is open to discussing the issue and listening to your request for forgiveness. The best thing to do is check their nonverbal communication for clues on whether it’s the right time. Because asking for forgiveness is only part of the process, the receiver also has a part in the process and must be approachable, willing to hear you out and receptive to letting you off the hook for your behavior.

2. Be a good listener. During the apology process, the receiver will want to talk about their feelings. While the person is talking about the incident, it does not matter if you agree or disagree with their take on things. The goal for them is to be heard without interruption or critique of their dialogue. Make an effort to show some restraint and not become defensive. This is a situation where you have to be an empathetic listener without interruption or starting an argument because the other person’s details may not match your version of the events. Remember, you’re the one on the hot seat.

3. Be responsive to the receiver’s feelings. Too often, when our hands are caught in the cookie jar and we know that we have been caught, we quickly apologize with the understanding in our minds that the issue is closed. We may become reluctant to considering how our actions or words may affect the other person. The quickness of the regret sends the message that you would rather not talk about what happened. The apology then becomes an excuse to repeat the offending behavior again.

4. Have the courage to speak up. Instead of offering a quick apology and move on, talk about what happened. Some people do not have the courage to do this, as it requires them to take an emotional risk. Not only being in touch with their feelings, but the emotions and reaction from the other person, and also having to take responsibility for the offending behavior. This encourages accountability and also ensures the behavior doesn’t occur again.

5. Welcome embarrassment, don’t dismiss it as nothing. It can be embarrassing to be called out by your beloved regarding your behavior especially in a situation where in order to move forward, you will have to apologize for your actions. Or, the alternative is spending your time studying tips on how to get your ex back. At times, an apology can be difficult, but in those cases, you just suck it up and grin and bear it. Admit you’re wrong and move forward.

6. Be aware of how you say it and what you say. Temper your words with sensitivity and understanding. It’s important that you express that you understand why the other person was offended and reacted in the way they did to your behavior. This step is really important because it can make or break the apology process which is twofold: apologize with sincerity and then commit to changing your behavior and ensure it does not happen again.

I’m sorry does not have to be the hardest words to say. Apologies should help build and maintain relationships and not become a struggle between the two parties of who should apologize. This practice only increases and encourages conflict that often paralyzes a relationship and keeps it from maturing into an enriching and loving experience.

There are a lot of people interested in getting their ex back, and in some cases learning the anatomy of a good apology would be the first step in the right direction if you’re thinking of pulling your ex back. An apology expresses sincerity for wrongdoing and carries with it a promise to the receiver that the offending behavior will not occur again. For more information, visit my website at http://www.u2canhavesuccess.com/relationshipsmatter.htm.

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