Your Ex Still Upset? Maybe It’s Your Apology That Keeps Your Ex From Coming Back
Saying the words, “I’m sorry,” can be very difficult for some people especially if they are caught in the position of trying to get their ex back. There are those who like to be stubborn because they believe the other party isn’t owed an apology or the vulnerability involved may be too overwhelming for them to absorb. Could there be some merit to the belief by some relationship experts that apologizing may be just an excuse to repeat or continue the offending behavior? If that is the case, a genuine apology may not be as forthcoming as it should. The words can lose their meaning, fall on deaf ears and not have the affect one was hoping for when giving it.
The expressing of remorse can be learned, but has to have some degree of sincerity to it. It cannot be down without some thought put into it or without feeling. When offering up an apology for offensive behavior or words, it could be the difference between making up with no harmful aftermath or being placed on the silent treatment for a few hours to possibly days! Whatever the outcome, how can one express a heartfelt apology?
1. Deal with reality. You will need to gauge whether the receiver is open to discussing the issue and listening to your request for forgiveness. The best thing to do is check their nonverbal communication for clues on whether it’s the right time. Because asking for forgiveness is only part of the process, the receiver also has a part in the process and must be approachable, willing to hear you out and receptive to letting you off the hook for your behavior.
2. Be a good listener. During the apology process, the receiver will want to talk about their feelings. While the person is talking about the incident, it does not matter if you agree or disagree with their take on things. The goal for them is to be heard without interruption or critique of their dialogue. Make an effort to show some restraint and not become defensive. This is a situation where you have to be an empathetic listener without interruption or starting an argument because the other person’s details may not match your version of the events. Remember, you’re the one on the hot seat.
3. Be responsive to the receiver’s feelings. Too often, when our hands are caught in the cookie jar and we know that we have been caught, we quickly apologize with the understanding in our minds that the issue is closed. We may become reluctant to considering how our actions or words may affect the other person. The quickness of the regret sends the message that you would rather not talk about what happened. The apology then becomes an excuse to repeat the offending behavior again.
4. Have the courage to speak up. Instead of offering a quick apology and move on, talk about what happened. Some people do not have the courage to do this, as it requires them to take an emotional risk. Not only being in touch with their feelings, but the emotions and reaction from the other person, and also having to take responsibility for the offending behavior. This encourages accountability and also ensures the behavior doesn’t occur again.
5. Welcome embarrassment, don’t dismiss it as nothing. It can be embarrassing to be called out by your beloved regarding your behavior especially in a situation where in order to move forward, you will have to apologize for your actions. Or, the alternative is spending your time studying tips on how to get your ex back. At times, an apology can be difficult, but in those cases, you just suck it up and grin and bear it. Admit you’re wrong and move forward.
6. Be aware of how you say it and what you say. Temper your words with sensitivity and understanding. It’s important that you express that you understand why the other person was offended and reacted in the way they did to your behavior. This step is really important because it can make or break the apology process which is twofold: apologize with sincerity and then commit to changing your behavior and ensure it does not happen again.
I’m sorry does not have to be the hardest words to say. Apologies should help build and maintain relationships and not become a struggle between the two parties of who should apologize. This practice only increases and encourages conflict that often paralyzes a relationship and keeps it from maturing into an enriching and loving experience.
There are a lot of people interested in getting their ex back, and in some cases learning the anatomy of a good apology would be the first step in the right direction if you’re thinking of pulling your ex back. An apology expresses sincerity for wrongdoing and carries with it a promise to the receiver that the offending behavior will not occur again. For more information, visit my website at http://www.u2canhavesuccess.com/relationshipsmatter.htm.
Tagged with: apology • coaching and counseling • get back your ex • pull back your ex • relationships
Filed under: Relationship Tips
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