Most people think of love as a feeling, says David Richo, but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present. In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships—one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life: Attention to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships. Acceptance of ourselves and others just as we are. Appreciation of all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament. Affection shown through holding and touching in respectful ways. Allowing life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control. When deeply understood and applied, these five simple concepts—what Richo calls the five A's—form the basis of mature love. They help us to move away from judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these five A's, relationships become deeper and more meaningful, and they become a ground for personal transformation. ....read more $15.95 $9.24 Average Customer Rating   5 out of 5 Read Reviews Write Review 41

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A groundbreaking, practical program for transforming troubled relationships into positive ones “This is the best book on relationships I have ever read. . . . John Gottman has decoded the subtle secrets that can either enrich or destroy the quality of our ties with others.” Daniel B. Wile, Ph.D., author of After the Fight: Using Your Disagreements to Build a Stronger Relationship “John Gottman is our leading explorer of the inner world of relationships. In The Relationship Cure, he has found gold once again.”William J. Doherty, Ph.D., author of Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart “When he says his five steps will help you build better connections with the people you care about, you know that they have been demonstrated to work.” E. Mavis Heatherington, Ph.D., professor of psychology, University of Virginia From the country’s foremost relationship expert and New York Times bestselling author Dr. John M. Gottman comes a powerful, simple five-step program, based on twenty years of innovative research, for greatly improving all of the relationships in your life—with spouses and lovers, children, siblings, and even your colleagues at work. In The Relationship Cure, Dr. Gottman: * Reveals the key elements of healthy relationships, emphasizing the importance of what he calls “emotional connection” * Introduces the powerful new concept of the emotional “bid,” the fundamental unit of emotional connection * Provides remarkably empowering tools for improving the way you bid for emotional connection and how you respond to others’ bids ....read more $14.95 $8.44 Average Customer Rating   5 out of 5 Read Reviews Write Review 20

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How to say “I love you” ever been difficult to master? Are you the type that just can’t utter those three words without shying away from it, feeling you may get rejected or even being to embarassed to say it? Well, have you ever thought about how to tell your love these words without having to say anything? It is possible, you know. Everyone doesn’t have to hear those words to know that they are loved.

There are many ways to tell someone you love them without the gushy sweet sounds of those three little words. However, the important part is that the receiver has to know that this is your love language and not be expecting you to verbally say the words despite your actions towards them.

Some examples of filling your lover’s love pool (creating a love reservoir) is when you know they like this special type of chili and you can only get it during the winter season. While out running errands, you go by the restaurant that serves it and pick up a bowl for your partner who of course is not expecting it.

Or maybe you decide to join a cake decorating class and your husband surprisingly pipes up that he wants to join also as an effort to spend more time with you with one of your interests. Plus, when you get there he’s the only guy in the class and even learns how to decorate a cake better than you!

You know the experts say we become desensitized to violence; we are also getting to the same point with expressing our love to one another. It’s either lost in a sea of forgetfulness, a bad argument or indifference because your partner did something you didn’t like and you don’t have the courage to confront them. The love you may have for your partner is withheld, it becomes conditional and then an unseen wall develops between you both where no love can either seep in or penetrate the wall you’ve created.

There are only meaningful ways to send your love without having to say those three words. Sometimes those three words get lost in translation because they stop meaning anything because they are used so often and frequently. They become customary like, “Good morning, how are you?” Telling someone you love is suppose to matter and make them feel the impact of those words rather than hearing them without any signs of a reaction. For example you could:

Do something totally out of character. If your mate can tell others that you would never do a particular activity or act, do it. Do it for them as a means to show them they matter. Isn’t that what love is really all about? We sacrifice our own selfish contentment for those of another?

If your partner knows you hate sending cards, but they love receiving them. Do it, for them. If you don’t send cards for any reason, surprise your lover and leave a card for them to find inside their car, briefcase or purse. Inside the card, just sign it, thinking of you, with love.

When you’re at a social gathering or even at home busy with your family, find your partner with your eyes, meet their gaze and send them a smile, nod or wink. This communicates your secret language that only the two of you understand.

When sending love it’s not about how many times you say, “I love you”, but it’s really the number of times you’re able to take your mate’s breath away like when you take that first sip of coffee and get that warm feeling that travels throughout your body or when someone touches your soul with sweet nothings that can make you blush uncontrollably. That’s love, that’s how love feels.

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Was I standing still? It moved right past me with such lightening speed. I know I didn’t feel it and I can’t describe it to you because I couldn’t see or touch it. I just know about it based on the changes to my body, face and hair. My children at one time were infants, toddlers, adolescents, teens and now adults. I can’t say I was left behind, because it . . . time enveloped me as it passed with each breath I took. Now, when looking into any mirror I gauge its aftermath as I move towards the inevitable, the moment that will be the last time I will see myself or the remnants of my life.

I waited for the right day to come to apologize for my mistakes, whether verbal or otherwise towards others, my family and friends. My mind always advised me that now was not the right time. You should wait another day, another moment, another time where the conditions for your makeup would be better or more palatable in your mind towards the other person. The suggested times from our mind’s conversation with us never comes. If it does, we didn’t recognize it and decided to opt out of making amends as we worked to conjure up a reason to alleviate our presence to avoid connecting with another.

I kept waiting, but the right time never came. Time, it just went without purpose except to just move on as it extracts its toll on all of us. Time flows along like an invisible unseen fog only distinguishable and discernible by our age and how our children have suddenly blossomed from dependent infants to independent adults. No explanation exists that can decipher its aftermath. It cannot be seen when it happens, but only after it leaves its telling mark on us.

It would be great to have the ability to measure its visits or even temper them with a schedule of sorts, but that can never be because life is just designed that way. How do you define time? It could be when you understood you could no longer support the weight of your child in your lap that it was time for them to stop wanting the safety of your cuddling, but to fend for themselves. Or even when they no longer initiated the snug embraces you grew accustomed to as you sent them love that seemed to seep deep into their soul. It was for no reason, only just because.

The coldness that now exists between you and them, it’s because the right time never came to make up, to make amends. So, we let it be. We learn to accept and live out our lives without those that add meaning to our mere existence. We decide in our mind its best this way as we keep up with one another through hearsay from others.

An unknown author penned the words, “Time is priceless, yet it costs us nothing. You can do anything you want with it, but own it. You can spend it, but you can’t keep it. Once you’ve lost it, there’s no getting it back. It’s just gone”. It’s like water trickling through your hands as you rush to take a sip.

All this time, during your life, you’ve made the decision in your head to be angry at people you were once close to. It’s time that you could have spent being happy, but now it’s just time that’s gone that can’t be retrieved or even allowed a do over. As people we waste a lot of time holding onto anger, but it’s actually a choice we make to avoid feeling uncomfortable if we have to say, I’m sorry that I hurt you.

We decide in our head instead of our heart, that now is not the right time while we wait patiently for more time, the right time, another time to decide when to make amends to someone we love. For now, time continues to move on in our lives, but the time to nurture those relationships with the people who matter most is now, but even that can’t be because it’s been postponed because of a one moment in time.

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Relationships matter. As a society have we become so caught up in ourselves and ‘me time’ that our relationships cease to matter anymore? The computer and cell phone has given us a way to interact with one another without spending any face time. It’s all done by the press of a key on a keyboard. However, the facts remains that with all the texting and email, you can’t stop time and create memories or snapshots with your family and friends.

How do you stop time? How does one capture the very time, the very moment of an event in their life? You can’t capture a moment in your life if you fail to recognize it occurring before you. Sometimes our moments occur without our own personal knowledge, but may be captured by an onlooker or the other person involved. This snapshot of time standing still could have happened unexpectedly or was intentionally orchestrated. What are these captured snapshots and how can we assure ourselves of being able to create more?

Einstein talked about time being relative. Some may argue that you cannot stop time, but if we delve closer into this assertion there is an experiment where you stare at the second hand on a clock while you that time has stopped as the second hand appears to stall while in motion just for a moment. There are some that say it is an optical illusion drawn from the conscious mind. That may be true, but we all have had moments where we have sensed our second hand had momentarily stood still.

The passage of time is not about the second hand on a clock, but about our relationships with people especially those in your life that bring you the most joy. When time is captured, it stands still. It becomes defined as “in the moment” because time becomes suspended while the event is occurring. The experience, the memory, the moment created lingers like the feeling you get from the innocence of a child’s hug or the faint smell of lingering perfume or cologne from your lover as you release each other from a loving embrace. So, instead of investing in materials to save your marriage or get your ex back, think of the moments when time stood still and the feeling your experienced with that person and that will guide you back to how to save your relationship.

Relationships do matter. When the moment is there, you absentmindedly reminiscence about it while you’re stuck in traffic or waiting for the elevator. It’s like good food or fine wine which lingers heavily as it encapsulates you as time stood still just for that instant, just for that moment. And, if you’re lucky, you’ve created many of them to relive continuously throughout your life. For some, time stood still at the birth of your children, your first kiss, your first intimate encounter and yes, the ache in your heart over the first argument with someone you love dearly.

Have you thought about it now? How do you capture the moment? How do you stop time? Besides the use of a voice recorder, photograph or video the only other way to capture the moment is through our memories which sometimes can’t be counted upon to be an accurate account.

How do you capture time? Why you live each day creating those special moments with the people you care about the most. Each time you look in your child’s face and see yourself in their eyes you create a moment where you capture the significance of their existence. When you hold your elderly parent or loved one in your arms as you twinge with empathy at their frailty recalling the times that you relied on them for their strength and invincibility. Now you have taken their place.

You capture time by creating memories with the people in your life that matter because you couldn’t imagine your life without them in it. They make you feel safe. Sometimes they make you angry. They make you laugh and sometimes even cry. After these emotional and mental snapshots comes a quiet remembrance when time stood still for a moment and you swear you could hear the ever so lightly whisper of “I love you” only heard in silent understanding by those present as the slight pause in time occurred.

There are some of us who may choose to freeze the moment longer than necessary. We create a snapshot where you bid an extended unspoken farewell out of anger or misunderstanding as you move them further away from you with an awkward distance that neither of you can truly comprehend. Time frozen in hostility sometimes can never be forgiven. It just hangs suspended like a lone icicle on a snow filled roof top basked in heavy stillness. A coldness where the path to tolerance has been shut down by pride and a steely unwillingness to just “let it go” and move forward.

We all have the choice of how we will stop time and create our snapshots with or without our loved ones in our lives. However, we all know that the most pleasurable stoppage of time is when we’re in the zone and our family and friends are the focal point, our clock, our second hand.

Go out and create moments where you can see, hear and feel when time stood still because of the moments and your life’s snapshots you’ve created. And, as one last piece of advice, while you’re present in the moment, promise yourself to welcome the stoppage of time, savor the experience with peaceful surrender, as you deliberately take in this moment, this time, this life, your life.

Some people end up in divorce court or break up because they wait too long to find solutions to their problems. At times, those involved in volatile relationships have the mindset that if they work harder at ‘it’ the can either deal with the issues or they will go away. However, if you are not equipped with the skills, it really doesn’t matter how hard you work at it. For more information, visit my website at: http://www.u2canhavesuccess.com/relationshipsmatter.htm.

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Breaking up can really be a traumatic experience if you’re not prepared for it. Sometimes victims of a break up can really become unreasonable and behave irrationally when thinking of ways to get their ex back. Errors made can do more harm to your chances of getting your ex back than helping you. At the time it appears that the choices you make regarding your ex is the best thing to do at the time. I am going to share with you some of the common mistakes that should be avoided when you are trying to win back your ex.

The most common mistake people make after their breakup is to go into extreme telephone calling and then texting if you won’t answer your cell phone or landline. There is this intense need to just hear your ex’s voice and with some people out of desperation, they will even settle for hearing the sound of their ex on voicemail. Some think the solution is to wear down their ex by calling them. While this may seem like a good idea at the time, it can drive your ex partner further away and create a huge rift between you.

This extreme calling solution to breakup method leads right into another common error, sitting by the phone waiting for your ex to call. Your newly ex partner will not call especially if they were the one that initiated the breakup. They may call to check on your emotional and mental state, but not to talk about getting back together. If your ex does make the call, do not appear desperate, but understand the purpose for the call and that maybe you both need some time to sort things out before you can talk about relationship rescue.

Another major error is going to your ex’s house or where ever they’ve decided to hold up until everything settles down while the emotional intensity of the breakup has subsided. It appears that when you’re ignored after doing the calling and then waiting for a call the next best thing is to force your partner to talk to you by going to their house or even worse their job! Now that’s not good and will only cause more conflict because now you’re placing your ex-partner in an embarrassing situation where they have to explain what’s going on with their co-workers. Best advice, pass on the workplace and just discuss with them if you can meet at a restaurant or public place.

The most disappointing of all these errors is that the appropriate solution is so simple. However, when emotions are involved it also can be the most difficult. After breaking up, both parties should really try spending at least a month without any contact with each other. This time period is recommended because you can take a breather from the relationship and really consider if your partner is truly someone you can be with long term or is it best to just part ways.

These errors can be avoided if you both respect each other’s space and allow some time for things to settle down before you discuss what happened and why it would be a good idea for you stay together. It’s very difficult to have these conversations immediately after a breakup because hurt feelings are involved and the draw of wanting to be with the other person. If you really want back with your ex, remember relationships matter and give it some time so when you do discuss your issues you will be able to do so with a clear head and without all the emotional turmoil that surrounds these types of discussions.

Healing your broken heart should be first before you begin trying to pull back your ex. By keeping a cool head, not showing desperation for the relationship or wanting to cling to your beloved is the beginning to winning back your ex. For more information on how relationships matter, visit my website at: http://www.u2canhavesuccess.com/relationshipsmatter.htm.

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Saying the words, “I’m sorry,” can be very difficult for some people especially if they are caught in the position of trying to get their ex back. There are those who like to be stubborn because they believe the other party isn’t owed an apology or the vulnerability involved may be too overwhelming for them to absorb. Could there be some merit to the belief by some relationship experts that apologizing may be just an excuse to repeat or continue the offending behavior? If that is the case, a genuine apology may not be as forthcoming as it should. The words can lose their meaning, fall on deaf ears and not have the affect one was hoping for when giving it.

The expressing of remorse can be learned, but has to have some degree of sincerity to it. It cannot be down without some thought put into it or without feeling. When offering up an apology for offensive behavior or words, it could be the difference between making up with no harmful aftermath or being placed on the silent treatment for a few hours to possibly days! Whatever the outcome, how can one express a heartfelt apology?

1. Deal with reality. You will need to gauge whether the receiver is open to discussing the issue and listening to your request for forgiveness. The best thing to do is check their nonverbal communication for clues on whether it’s the right time. Because asking for forgiveness is only part of the process, the receiver also has a part in the process and must be approachable, willing to hear you out and receptive to letting you off the hook for your behavior.

2. Be a good listener. During the apology process, the receiver will want to talk about their feelings. While the person is talking about the incident, it does not matter if you agree or disagree with their take on things. The goal for them is to be heard without interruption or critique of their dialogue. Make an effort to show some restraint and not become defensive. This is a situation where you have to be an empathetic listener without interruption or starting an argument because the other person’s details may not match your version of the events. Remember, you’re the one on the hot seat.

3. Be responsive to the receiver’s feelings. Too often, when our hands are caught in the cookie jar and we know that we have been caught, we quickly apologize with the understanding in our minds that the issue is closed. We may become reluctant to considering how our actions or words may affect the other person. The quickness of the regret sends the message that you would rather not talk about what happened. The apology then becomes an excuse to repeat the offending behavior again.

4. Have the courage to speak up. Instead of offering a quick apology and move on, talk about what happened. Some people do not have the courage to do this, as it requires them to take an emotional risk. Not only being in touch with their feelings, but the emotions and reaction from the other person, and also having to take responsibility for the offending behavior. This encourages accountability and also ensures the behavior doesn’t occur again.

5. Welcome embarrassment, don’t dismiss it as nothing. It can be embarrassing to be called out by your beloved regarding your behavior especially in a situation where in order to move forward, you will have to apologize for your actions. Or, the alternative is spending your time studying tips on how to get your ex back. At times, an apology can be difficult, but in those cases, you just suck it up and grin and bear it. Admit you’re wrong and move forward.

6. Be aware of how you say it and what you say. Temper your words with sensitivity and understanding. It’s important that you express that you understand why the other person was offended and reacted in the way they did to your behavior. This step is really important because it can make or break the apology process which is twofold: apologize with sincerity and then commit to changing your behavior and ensure it does not happen again.

I’m sorry does not have to be the hardest words to say. Apologies should help build and maintain relationships and not become a struggle between the two parties of who should apologize. This practice only increases and encourages conflict that often paralyzes a relationship and keeps it from maturing into an enriching and loving experience.

There are a lot of people interested in getting their ex back, and in some cases learning the anatomy of a good apology would be the first step in the right direction if you’re thinking of pulling your ex back. An apology expresses sincerity for wrongdoing and carries with it a promise to the receiver that the offending behavior will not occur again. For more information, visit my website at http://www.u2canhavesuccess.com/relationshipsmatter.htm.

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If your girlfriend broke up with you and you want to get your ex girlfriend back, keep reading. Guess what?  Nine times out of ten, if this happened it’s because you did something wrong. It can be a little tough for men to maintain relationships with women, but it is still quite possible with the right know how. You just need to figure out what happened to make you go off track so that you can get your ex girlfriend back.

Where did you go off track? Why did your ex girlfriend break up with you? When you are ready to get your ex girlfriend back, there are things that you really need to consider just like these. Some girls will tell you all of your faults in great detail while others won’t. When you are trying to figure out what you did wrong, don’t be afraid to ask her. This is a big step to learning how to get your ex girlfriend back because it will tell you what she thinks you need to do to make the necessary changes.

If she’s not telling you what you did wrong and you still want to get your ex girlfriend back, consider the following things:

1 – You may need to pay more attention to her if you want to get your ex girlfriend back. Women don’t like it when you’re not paying enough attention to them. This really isn’t an unreasonable request on their part. It’s vital to every relationship that you give enough attention to your loved ones. You’ll score points with her by showing her that you can give her the attention that you need.

2 – Women have a different idea about emotional support than men. If you want to get your ex girlfriend back, you need to figure out what she’s looking for in terms of emotional support. She needs more than simply verbal affirmations, so buy her something nice to show her that you care about her. This is a great way to get the ball rolling when you want to get your ex girlfriend back.

3 – This shouldn’t bear repeating, but apparently it’s necessary: Don’t cheat on her! Even if she’s cheated on you, or she’s been cheated on before, cheating on her will not help you get your ex girlfriend back. If you like sleeping with different women, you don’t deserve to get your ex girlfriend back, so don’t even bother.

4 – If you want to get your ex girlfriend back and you still live with her, show her you can help her keep the place nice. Pitch in with the housework and participate as much as you can to show her that you know how to be responsible and that you know how to show your love for her.

When you are ready to get your ex girlfriend back, know that the process is not difficult. It may require some basic life changes, however, because you need to be mature and responsible, and you need to know how to show your love for her. Be loving, caring, responsible and respectful, and you may just get your ex girlfriend back after all.

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Are you interested in getting back together after a break up? How are you feeling after just breaking up with your ex? Getting back together after a break up is possible if you really want to make it happen. If you love the other person and want to rekindle things, there are some considerations that you need to make. Start to think about getting back together after a break up and you will be reminded of what broke the relationship up in the first place. What will you do to rekindle the old flame?

You may feel like the best way to initiate getting back together after a break up is to call your ex up and beg for their return. This is not the way to go! You may think that the best course of action is to lock yourself in your home and cry until you’ve run out of tears. This isn’t it either! If you’re serious about getting back together after a break up, there is a better way to go. Here are the three best steps that you can pursue for getting back together after a break up!

1 – First and foremost, getting back together after a break up means accepting that what happened happened.

It may be hard for you to accept that the breakup happened, but you cannot continue the relationship the way its going. You need to accept that the breakup happened so that you can work on renewing things. Getting back together after a break up means ending the original relationship and then starting new rather than trying to rekindle things in the same way they were before.

2 – Secondly, getting back together after a break up does not begin with calling your ex!

Do not call your ex when you are working on getting back together after a break up. Let things cool down, regulate your emotions and work on thinking about what happened to cause the break up. Getting back together after a break up is going to mean figuring out what went wrong and rectifying it before you call. Work on improving the relationship in your mind, and do not call your ex until things have normalized in your heart and head.

3 – Finally, getting back together after a break up means planning for the right timing.

Once you are feeling like you are more prepared for getting back together after a break up, you can begin to plan the where and how. By the time you are prepared to rekindle things, you will have a better idea about whether you are still in love with him or her or not. Since everything has ended now, don’t worry about who is at fault. Instead, focus on getting back together after a break up with positives in mind. Begin with casual conversation, a good friendship, and let things develop from there. If you take things slow and treat them positively, getting back together after a break up is easier than you would imagine.

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It is depressing to see many marriages that are in turmoil, and it is especially disconcerting to see them end up as messy divorces, so you may ask how can I save my marriage? Filing for divorce is not the solution for when a marriage has hit its pushing limits. There are a number of solutions that require that both partners to be fully committed in saving the relationship that they have. The first step is counseling, which enables the couple to have a mediator in dealing with their issues.

In addition to professional services, there are a number of different things that can be done to save a marriage, it is not a complicated process and does not require much outside of both parties working towards the common goal. Below are four things that you can take to heart and utilize to “save my marriage” and improve the odds of successfully avoiding divorce.

First, know that the perfect marriage is a myth. Whenever two people are brought together, there will be problems, including the few that can grow into deal breakers in your marriage. This is a natural result of bringing two people together. Even perfect twins differ in likes and dislikes. For the marriage to succeed, the couple must learn to deal with the rough patches and overcome their problems. Seeking perfection will only destroy everything. People make mistakes, work with your partner and overcome the problems you face, and you’ll realize it is possible to “save my marriage.”

Second, good communication is vital, for when the communication is insufficient; the marriage is doomed to face problems. The most vital thing is to be honest with your partner. Just about every issue and problem can be solved if communication is maintained. The third tip is to accept compromise. Many have made this an art, with good reason. The middle ground that will enable a conclusion to the conflict has to mesh with both parties and their interests before it can “save my marriage.” Marriage on a whole is about compromise and knowing that there are times when your spouse will have to give and times when you have to give in order to “save my marriage.”

Really, a marriage is about commitment, the fourth tip. Like a car, if it breaks down, you don’t abandon the car on the side of the road. The only time you do get rid of the car is when there is no hope. Saving your marriage involves the same level of commitment and working towards making things work, if you ever have a chance to “save my marriage.”

Sometimes, the damage to the marriage totals it, and no matter what you do, nothing can change it. Some issues cannot be solved, counseling cannot help. It is in these cases that divorce makes sense. Out side of these cases, divorce is not the answer. Instead, you should work with your partner to solve the issues that plague your marriage, and hopefully you will be able to say that you can “save my marriage.”

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