Relationships Matter

Drawing on case studies, a psychotherapist offers guidelines to help singles and spouses decide whether to leave a relationship or whether enough good remains to make it worth working through conflicts. Reprint."

User Reviews about Too Good to Leave - Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship

I have recommended this to several women stuck in relationships that were exactly that: too good to leave and too bad to stay (unhealthy or violent or going nowhere). In every case, they found the courage to leave forging a new life and often finding new, true love - never once looking back. I enjoyed this book and found myself recommending it to several others, regardless of their relationship status quo. The diagnostic questions are good ones. They lead to a good, long look in the mirror, a reassessing of one's own emotional well being, and gauging that one is in, or out, of a relationship for all the right and healthy reasons. And, if you are in a good relationship, the many yes's to Kirshenbaum's questions can rejuvenate any fence sitter, giving new appreciation for maybe what was pretty darn good all along. It's always nice to know you're doing just fine. I was experiencing and justified me in the way I feel. Because of that clarification, I feel like I'm making progress on dealing with my own issues, and better able to communicate them. -- Recommended

I wish I'd read this book when I was 20, before getting into a serious relationship; it would have saved me a lot of pain and many lost years. The diagnosis questions are basically a list of how to identify a good relationship. I think the author's done a very good job breaking down the real issues in a troubled relationship, and that she does so without casting anyone into the villain or victim role. -- Good Advice for Before the Crisis

I have already read up to the middle of this book and I've only been reading it for about an hour now. I am completely absorbed and speeding through it because it is exactly what I have been looking for! I've been dealing with relationship ambivalence for too long, nothing else was working and I had looked at my relationship from every perspective only to make things more confusing for myself. I also began to realize that my ambivalence was about to sabotage my relationship before I could make the decision for myself of whether I should stay or go. I was absolutely desperate for help. Finally, I reached a simple epiphany and began searching for books on Amazon. To my happy surprise, this book was uncannily obvious and self-explanatory. I am so blessed to have been drawn to it. It has already saved me from so much pain and suffering...and many other people as well, I'm sure. It breaks down every doubt and every possibility as well as gives examples and advice--what's healthy and what's not, what's realistic and what's not, etc. If you are confused about whether you should stay in your relationship or go--no matter how complex your situation seems to be--this will help you to finally make a decision or, at the very least, help you feel a lot less ridiculous! Thank you so much Mira Kirshenbaum!!! -- This is the answer to your confusion and prayers!

This book was very well written. I read it in a evening!
BUT I sincerely wished that the author would have talked more about the effect of staying or leaving on the couple's children. Staying together or separating is a family issue, and all perspectives and practical matters should be considered before deciding on the future of one's relationship. Additionally, ambivalence about the relationship has it's effect on family functioning.
My partner ended up leaving. He got 2/3 through the book, but I read it 3 times! He was also unwilling to work on the issue in therapy, which the author advises strongly. I feel confident that I did everything in my power to understand his perspective, and this book helped me in that respect, but I feel he lacked insight into how his actions effect our children. I wish somewhere along the way that this could have been impressed upon him more strongly.
-- Good book, but wished it said more about staying and/or leaving's effect on children