Relationships Matter

"Nobody likes me!" is a complaint that parents hear all too often, and few utterances make them feel more helpless. Now help is at hand: This practical and compassionate guidebook enables parents to sharpen any child's social skills by pinpointing the child's particular social strengths and difficulties. Some children have trouble resolving arguments, some find themselves in a constant clash of wills, and some have trouble making any friends at all. Each chapter--from "The Shy Child" to "The Little Adult," from "The Short-Fused Child" to "The Sensitive Soul"--uses case studies that focus on the specific social conventions that certain children don't "get," and offers drills that parents and teachers can use to help children understand the unspoken underpinnings of social situations, the knowledge essential to building, sustaining, and repairing relationships.

User Reviews about The Unwritten Rules of Friendship: Simple Strategies to Help Your Child Make Friends

Overall, the book is well organized. It provides practical tips and exercises to teach children appropriate social behaviors. It can serve as a reference for all those good and bad social actions that a parent may not remember to discuss.

It is a book written for "normal" and young children. The exercises seem to be directed to children younger than sixth grade. The book may be of some use to Asperger's children if they are elementary school aged, but beyond that, I doubt it would be of much value. For the record, I have an Asperger's son.

The book is broken into sections based on personality types: The Vulnerable Child, The Different Drummer, The Little Adult, etc. This structure makes it possible to quickly identify where your child fits, primarily, and to focus on those behaviors first. Each section stands on its own, and thoroughly describes how that personality typically acts in social settings. Exercises are provided to assist you in teaching your child the rules for each section (personality). There are nine personality types explained, and if any are missing, I can't think of one.

Parents of Asperger's children should not view this book as a primary resource. It is written for "normal kids who struggle to be accepted by their peers," as it states on page 8. The exercises may be helpful in some cases where the child can learn a cognitive method of behavior; however, there is no effort or attempt at addressing the underlying anxieties and thought processes that dictate the behaviors of an Aspie. Any cognitive efforts would have to be done at an early age. I find it highly unlikely that a middle-school or older Aspie would benefit much from this book.

The disappointing part of the book is its maddeningly naïve approach to bullying. It promotes the same worthless approaches that have never worked, and excuses school systems' lack of action by stating that "these kinds of programs take time." I've been hearing about these programs for 13 years. How much more time will it take? Was I to tell my suicidal son that "these kinds of programs take time"?

Education is the only industry allowed to say, "give us a few more years, and maybe then we'll have a good product." In corporate America, we lose jobs.

Regardless, the book is well written, well organized, and highly worthwhile for normal children who are having trouble fitting in. I would recommend it. -- For Normal Kids. Not For Aspies

This is a wonderfully written book. Practical and sensible. I purchased this book for tips with my 7 year old, and I found I have learned many valuable things myself. I highly recommend this book not only for anyone who needs education in social skills but it would be a good read for most anyone. Even though this book is written at advanced reading level, my 7 yr old son follows right along while I am reading aloud to him and he doesn't get bored listening. He often spontaneously jumps in and offers ideas or thoughts of his own. The writer makes you look at and think about what you or others are doing that is or is not working in the social context and includes solutions and ideas. Wonderful book. I was very impressed. The Unwritten Rules of Friendship: Simple Strategies to Help Your Child Make Friends -- Great book!

Before, all I could do for my child was to nag and nag about her off-putting behavior. Then the book arrived...and with it clear labels and strategies. I was thrilled with how the writers were able to identify my child, the different drummer, and how they did so much more than just give advice. They identified behaviors I was only generally aware of. And they gave real hands on strategies that will clearly demonstrate to my child her responses in the give and take of relationships. Relationship card games and role playing, just two of the many strategies parents can use to help their child. Even adults will be able to identify their own shortcomings and use the "un-written rules" to improve their own relationships. -- Enormously Helpful!

Great book with really practical, usable advice. Wonderful those who struggle a little, or a lot with social cues. -- The Unwritten Rules of Friendship

This is a great book. I haven't finished it yet, but it has already given me many ideas. Unlike so many "self-help" books out there, this book actually gives you small, specific steps that you can take to change certain behaviors that others might find annoying (such as practical ways to teach someone about "personal space"). -- The Unwritten Rules of Friendship