Relationships Matter

User Reviews about The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships

Well, I am not quite finished yet, but I have already determined that this book is amazing.

I am one who has dealt with anger issues since I can remember. I have been both the "psychotic bitch" as the book describes as well as the "nice lady" as is also described. Neither are good positions, but this book teaches the reader to understand why she is behaving as she does, and some strategies to use the anger to seek the real reason for her emotional responses, whether they be outbursts, or exercises in suppressing true frustration.

I have had so many "aha" moments from reading this book. Like a lightbulb went on.

Strategies for taking charge and resolving the issues are also shared. They are not necessarily easy, but they show that with determination, and commitment to one's self, we can improve, and lessen the anger.

The book uses examples between various family relationships to illustrate typical patterns of behavior. I recognized myself in many of them, and watched how certain actions resulted in various consequences. This "modeling" method is easy to read and relate to. Great book. Worth every cent, and every moment. -- This Book Speaks to ME

I have immersed myself in the last year in every form of self-improvement and introspection possible. This book and Mindfulness in Plain English are two of the best books I have read. In some ways it reminded me of Play Like a Man, Win Like a Woman inasmuch as she was able to so beautifully articulate the female "methodology." For any woman who wants to feel like she's not the only one who feels or behaves the way she does and for a fantastic springboard to self-examination, I highly recommend this book. -- Scary how well she nails it

Reading this book and an applying its tools and principles changed the direction of my life almost immediately. It's an easy read - about an uneasy topic that affects everyone. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!! -- The Dance of Anger - Harriet Lerner, PhD

Harriet Lerner's books are one of the best, easy to read and understand help books that I have read to take a new look at one's most intimate relationships. I ordered one for each of my grown children and for my sister, so as to allow their relationships to develop in a balanced direction. -- The Dance of Anger

I first stumbled into this book in 1992/3. Since then, it has been one of THE books I bring me with wherever I've lived --I find that across so many contexts, cultures and situations it provides useful, practical and respectful advice and thought EVERY time. One of my favorite quotes she's said over the years --attributed to a colleague --is "speak up speak up speak up...the only person you'll scare off, is your future ex husband". This could refer any potential future ex-whatever (wife, colleague, friend, etc) I just ordered a new copy, because my old one is so highlighted, dog eared and faded to the point of distraction, this is how often I've used and read it. If you are looking for insight on how to productively recognize, respect and respond to your own internal signals of anger that something is not working right, get this book. One hard part is respecting the fact that once we live in a more centered and self expressive way --by expressing our core truths--others may not accept these things or may not choose to engage with what our truth is. In other words, they may leave. Its true, the letting go part is very very hard and this fear of loss has often prevented me from speaking up clearly. And this is exactly one of Dr Lerners points --that generally speaking, women are often held back through internalized socialized messages of 'dont get angry because others won't like you" (and this is bad, of course) and adhering to these messages is a very effective way to keep things calm and 'other focused' for women. And this is not a victim based, finger pointing idea --its simply the way many societies are organized and she makes the good points that there are many many positive aspects to being very concerned about others and the benefits of compassion. The trouble is when is comes at too high a cost of our own well being, which is what generates anger. I use this book in my professional teamwork consultancies and nearly constantly in my own life relationships. A real gem, one that we can all relate to, any time, anywhere. -- A cornerstone book.