"Intelligent...solid." (Publishers Weekly)
"A very smart, no-frills handbook." (Chicago Sun-Times)
"Indispensable guidance." (Harold H. Bloomfield, MD)
"Practical wisdom...will strengthen and bring new passion and insight to your relationship (John Gray)
Price: $10.85
User Reviews about The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship
I have been loooking for a book that I couple use for an enlighted couples class at my church. I read a skim read over 20 books over the last few months without finding a very acceptable book. When I checked out the Six Secrets of a Lasting Relationship from my local lib rary I knew my search was over. It is an excellent book with the six pillars being a clear and concise motivation for not only topics in the class but a direction for life. It is an unbelievably clear book which aids one in their own relationship as a couple to make life better. Highly recommended. -- Secrets Revealed
Personally I liked the use of the acronym CREATE to organize the book:(Chemistry,Respect, Enjoyment, Acceptance, Trust and Empathy). If you are having difficulties with anything other than physical abuse or substance abuse then this book gets to the heart of what is most important quickly and the organization allows you to skip to the area which concerns you most (which I did): yes there was a light sales job at the beginning but if you get into the chapters, they are quite meaty with a variety of approaches to dealing with each problem and a good description of the most common array of diifficulties. If one's spouse is resistant to marriage books then you can read it by yourself (like I did) and still find it quite helpful.
The chapters on respect p 95 to 136 and empathy p258 to 288 were exactly what I needed. My marriage has had difficulty for a number of years but I sure would have loved to have found this book earlier. For those whose relationships are doing well this gives you a reminder of what truly matters and help during the trials which may eventually occur. I also recommend Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson for those who need a bit more perspective on why they get in such crazy fights, but this book finishes the job as far as I am concerned.
I had read a lot of books on marriage and still was having difficulty so I ordered this one along with three others. Thankfully this one (used) arrived first (the others haven't arrived yet). I feel like it alone was worth the cost of all four books: it urges spouses who are getting disrespect (me) to stick up for themselves in a dignified manner while doing what it takes to foster their own self-respect, just what I needed: the examples help one to see how much this can improve the situation while giving perspective as to why we may be stuck. The chapter on empathy showed how to provide empathy when needed but also how to stick up for oneself. I had already taken some measures but this helped me finish the job: it works.
I loved the following passage on p286 to be used after a husband comes home in a foul mood from work and the wife uses empathy to help him get a grip: He should not be given a free pass no matter how compassionate your empathy makes you feel. After you've defused the situation and made him feel understood, look him in the eye and say, "You know, when bad things happen at work, I'd really appreciate it if you don't take it out on me. I'm on your side."
My only complaint is that it lets those who disrespect their spouses off the hook too easily, saying they should just leave if they can't find respect, when in some cases their values seem quite skewed. I think he could have questioned those values more, in such a case I would definitely recommend the book Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson because it lays out much more clearly what one stands to lose.
-- I'm so glad I got this book
From: www.BasilAndSpice.com
Author & Book Views On A Healthy Life!
Book Review: The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship: How to Fall in Love Again and Stay There (Perigree, 2001) by Mark Goulston, MD with Philip Goldberg
A Classic Feature
Dr. Mark Goulston is a former UCLA professor who helps high performing leaders, senior management and sales people reach their full potential using skills he learned training FBI and police hostage negotiators. He has also written Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior, Get Out of Your Own Way at Work, and PTSD for Dummies.
The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship has received praise from John Gray, Ph.D. and Harold H. Bloomfield, M.D. The book is based on more than 10,000 hours of couples therapy and has been developed into six secrets for keeping your relationship together:
1. Keep the chemistry burning.
2. Treat your partner with respect--and earn his or her respect.
3. Don't stop thinking about enjoyment.
4. Give one another acceptance despite your flaws.
5. Deserve each other's trust.
6. Always keep in touch with empathy.
"The structure of an intimate relationship rests on six pillars, which are the core of each of the six secrets."
1. C--chemistry (Sex; Romance; Discusses the painful secrets some individuals keep; Tells why we need to feel physically connected. Answers why chemistry waxes, then wanes--explains how to bring this important element back into the relationship.)
2. R--respect (This is where affairs sometimes begin. Warning signs of disrespect highlighted. Tells how to respect yourself and your partner.)
3. E--enjoyment (There is a need for laughter. Defines how baggage hinders enjoyment.)
4. A--acceptance (Teaches how to avoid criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling--leading predictors in the failure of couples. Elucidates upon what to do if you can't quite accept your partner. Also teaches how to find acceptance.)
5. T--trust (Implies faith and confidence and is required for emotional intimacy. Details how to restore trust.)
6. E--empathy (Attempt to view the situation from your partner's point of view. Learn how to move from debate and animosity to dialogue and understanding. Empathy heals wounds.)
Dr. Goulston writes that breakdowns in a relationship occur when an element of the pillars is shaky--they need regular reinforcement. Stress on the pillars is a result of marriage, child-rearing, financial problems, long-term bond of two single people, or even work. The author believes that you shouldn't feel like a victim, instead take the initiative to create the "love you deserve."
By reading The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship, you should learn how to have:
* Renewed involvement with each other
* Revived enthusiasm four your relationship
* A stronger sense of partnership and commitment
* An atmosphere of healing
* A greater capacity to solve problems effectively
* Deepened intimacy and tenderness
* Enhanced mutual understanding
* Freedom from guilt and blame
* A more durable bond
* A reawakening of love
Using a no-blame, no-fault, no-nonsense approach and couples therapy stories as examples, this book is well written for couples to read and act upon together. Dr. Goulston also includes throughout blocks of Usable Insight and questionnaires as evaluation tools. The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship is a classic which should be read by all couples, especially those who are in a shaky, rocky, or separating marriage and by those who are preparing to enter one. If your relationship is in trouble, find out why. Mark Goulston's 6 Secrets is Usable Insight into the reasons problems begin and will help you overcome existing marital difficulties and even point you to further help if necessary. And, if you're happily married, you, like myself, can gain a better understanding of your spouse and marriage.
5 Stars -- The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship
I bought this for my girlfriend and she loved it! I read it and I love it. A very interesting read which will definitely change your perspective on your relationships. -- Insightful and relevant
I just read a sample of the book from my Kindle, but that brief excerpt was enough. This book would probably be better titled, "how to resuscitate a dieing relationship," and marketed to those with relationships already on the decline. Even in that situation, I'd find his writing hard to take. He constantly is trying to sell you on his be-all, end-all acronym, CREATE. Though the relationship examples from his practice were excellent, the analogies were weakly uninspiring. -- Useful, but limited
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