Relationships Matter

"Most people think of love as a feeling," says David Richo, "but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present." In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships—one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life: Attention to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships. Acceptance of ourselves and others just as we are. Appreciation of all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament. Affection shown through holding and touching in respectful ways. Allowing life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control.

When deeply understood and applied, these five simple concepts—what Richo calls the five A's—form the basis of mature love. They help us to move away from judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these five A's, relationships become deeper and more meaningful, and they become a ground for personal transformation.

User Reviews about How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving

Having faced what was a first thought a break up was in fact not that,oh what the ego mind can do to one's psyche.
I have written on two other books about relationships and the meaning thereofBe the Person You Want to Find: Relationship and Self-DiscoveryHow to Create a Magical Relationship: The 3 Simple Ideas that Will Instantaneously Transform Your Love Life these have been indeed insightful and I add this one to my favorites.
This is not a book for the easy fix,if you want that there is Dr. Phil, this one takes you on a journey,much like a hero's journey,it will take you to those places that aren't for the faint of heart,but to have what you truly desire,you must look into those deep caves that hold you back and little by little you come out with great insight and a more profound look at love and relationships.
Mr Richo uses five A's that have the key components to being in a relationship,I have found that the ego and all it's trappings are what holds us from being in that relationship and to be us,the key word is BE,you have to BE that to Be in the realtionship.
I have for years yearned to have a realtionship and looking back those that I have been in I realized much to my chargrin it was the ego,the false saelf who was doing all the downfall and desmise and making me I was unworthy.
But thanks to the books that I have mention and now this one,I am looking to being in that most wonderful and magical workings that we all can create,but to be MINDFUL and understand that once a relationship starts,there is still many trappings,all from the ego who wants the control and the wantings.
A must read for anyone who dreams of being in one,to take it to a higher level if they are in one this is the book.
Thank You
Namaste -- Incredibly Insightful

Should be required reading for any married couple, or those who think they are ready for marriage. Highly recommended to any and all looking for guidance in life. -- Great help

For those already familiar with interpersonal communication/dynamics, "How to Be an Adult" is a comprehensive reader. For those "in the midst" of relational change or stress (and who isn't?), author David Richo is a peace-full companion. Read this book--I'm buying more for my friends! -- READ THIS BOOK!

This is far and away the best book I've ever read on the subject at hand. If you've ever wondered, "Why do I always end up with losers?" or "Why can't I find a fulfilling relationship?" or "Why do my relationships always turn out this way?" or "How do I get myself in these messes?", you need to read this book.

Richo, as others have said, does not give you a list of steps to "fix" your relationship or a set of one-size-fits-all instructions. Instead, he guides you in discovering your own needs and boundaries and love style, learning to communicate with your partner about yours and theirs, learning how and when to negotiate and how and when not to, learning how to be mindful and attentive, and how to meet both your needs and your partner's. Because of this, it is much more tailored and effective, but requires more thought, attention, mindfulness from the reader. The writing itself is beautiful, clear, nurturing, easy on the mind and the heart. You may find yourself laughing, crying, or recognizing yourself or others on virtually every page.

I do have two criticisms of this book. The first is that it is primarily geared toward couples in relationships who are working together to build and improve upon what they have. That's not a bad thing, but I was single when I read this, and there are very few of the exercises that apply as well to singles trying to grow themselves and prepare for future relationships as well as they apply to couples. The second is that, although all of the principles involved apply equally well to any personal relationship, the language that is used is very centered around intimate heterosexual couples. You can improve your relationship with your child or your best friend or your gay lover with this book just as well as with an intimate heterosexual partner, but you'll have to wade through language that is geared toward that one particular dynamic and figure out how to apply it to your situation. -- Giving you the knowledge to guide yourself

Richo is able to draw the reader into a state of serenity that transcends the chaos by his insight of understanding ourselves and the world around us. He does this in a "straight to the heart/soul" manner. Therefore, he is able to easily accomplish what most authors aspire to accomplish. Also, because the author is able to get to the core/essence of our issues, his writing addresses countless problems whether they be slight or overbearing. This read, more than anything else, is nurturing.

There are one or two statements that are opposite of what research shows. However, these do not negate the author's accomplishment.

Of note, this is not a "nuts and bolts" type of book. It is much more abstract than concrete! -- For those who are looking for deeper answers...