Relationships Matter

"If you really loved me..."

"After all I've done for you..."

"How can you be so selfish..."

Do any of the above sound familiar? They're all examples of emotional blackmail, a powerful form of manipulation in which people close to us threaten to punish us for not doing what they want. Emotional blackmailers know how much we value our relationships with them. They know our vulnerabilities and our deepest secrets. They are our mothers, our partners, our bosses and coworkers, our friends and our lovers. And no matter how much they care about us, they use this intimate knowledge to give themselves the payoff they want: our compliance.

Susan Forward knows what pushes our hot buttons. Just as John Gray illuminates the communications gap between the sexes in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, and Harriet Lerner describes an intricate dynamic in The Dance of Anger, so Susan Forward presents the anatomy of a relationship damaged by manipulation, and gives readers an arsenal of tools to fight back. In her clear, no-nonsense style, Forward provides powerful, practical strategies for blackmail targets, including checklists, practice scenarios and concrete communications techniques that will strengthen relationships and break the blackmail cycle for good.

User Reviews about Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear - Obligation - and Guilt to Manipulate You

I am the type of person who is always trying to learn new things and to change things about my life if I don't like them. I read this book 7 years ago and I was thinking this weekend about the most growth I've had as a person during my life and this book was the one that helped me the most. It really got through to me and showed me how I was doing so many things in my life because I should and because people expected me to, but not because I wanted to. I was always resenting doing these things and this book opened my eyes and taught me how to just stop feeling guilty. To stop doing things that I didn't want to do and to live my life and be happy. It's very well written. If you fall for guilt trips, especially from your family members, this is the book to read. -- The book that has changed my life the most (in a good way)

The book was sent fast and was in the condition as stated. I am very satisfied with their service. -- Excellent service

I am so glad I read Emotional blackmailer. This book hit on my raw spots and has given me clear instructions on how I choose to deal with a emotional blackmailer, the only thing I didnt like about this book is saying to attend a 12 step program and having been there done that I put in in the segment of the book The self doubter= 12 step by "healthy evaluation can easily become self deprecation. In the face of critism from someone else we may disagree at first then come to believe that our sensors and gauges are faulty. How can we be right if someone important to us says we are wrong, Maybe we are deluded. We know what we see and experience but we dont trust it and frequently we discount the truth of our ideas, feelings and thoughts letting others define how we should be." There are many books out there who put in the 12 step as a means of support when they do not fully check out what they are saying. 12 step program's are based on a relgious guilt basis.
My mother is classic emotional blackmailer and I do not comply she cuts me off. I have choose not to do the dance any longer. I actaully have severed ties with her. The emotional blackmailer is also narcissitic I believe. They are ONLY concern with there needs and desires and do not care about yours. They have to be right and at the cost of a relationship. -- Solution oriented

I was looking for help in dealing with a manipulative individual in my life. I found this book, and almost didn't buy it, but I am so glad I did. I thought the author did an excellent job communicating what emotional blackmail is, what it looks like in its many forms and what to do about it. I isn't a - cut blackmailers out of your life - kind of book, but it gave me tools with which I could use to negotiate with this person and to set rules of engagement. It helped me see when my emotions were mine and when they were instilled by another and when that was ok and when that other person just wanted to make me do what they wanted. It gives examples of situations, conversations and family dynamics to illustrate and explain emotional blackmail. There were examples of work, marital, parent-child and friendship blackmailers. There were male and female blackmailers and so on. I am so glad I found this book. I have learned great tools to help me deal with my own blackmailers. I feel like I can be more assertive and diplomatic. It was a great learning experience. -- Good life investment

Many of our closest relationships are filled with manipulation. It is sometimes hard to know much of this is healthy or unhealthy especially if these relationships have been this way most of your life. This book helps you define these boundariesand these boundaries surprisingly allow for more closeness. Read it, try it, and you will see what I am talking about. I still give it 4 stars because it is not a book I couldn't put down but more a read for knowledge. -- Good book